Why Getting Dressed Feels Harder Now — And How to Make It Easy Again

Years ago, when I was styling, I worked with lots of women older than me. There were some things they said that I didn’t fully get at the time: “I feel invisible.” “I only wear jeans, I can’t imagine wearing anything else.” “I’ve lost my confidence.”

Back then, I could sympathize, but I couldn’t truly relate. Fast forward a few years… and now I do. There are days I feel the same way myself, and that’s exactly what I want to talk about today: why getting dressed can feel tricky as we age, and how to make it simple, enjoyable, and confidence-boosting again.

I share five practical style secrets that have helped me — and countless women I’ve worked with — feel put together every day without spending a fortune or exhausting ourselves:

1. Mindset matters. The right outfit is the one that makes you feel good, not perfect. Even a cozy jumper and jeans can feel empowering if you add a little sparkle or a piece of jewelry that makes you smile.
2. Dress for your lifestyle. Spend more on everyday essentials that keep you comfortable and happy, rather than splurging only on special events. Think jeans you love, sneakers that feel amazing, or a coat that keeps you warm and dry.
3. Know what you love. Style is about knowing what makes you happy, not chasing trends. Pull inspiration from anywhere — interiors, nature, magazines — and prioritize fabrics and fits that feel good against your skin.
4. Create simple systems. Organize your wardrobe so your favorites are visible, rotate pieces regularly, and let go of items that no longer spark joy. Even small changes can make getting dressed effortless.
5. Find your unique style details. Bow, frill, puff sleeve, gold buttons, a particular color — your personal “signature” can be subtle, but it makes you feel intentional and put together every day.

If you’ve ever felt like your wardrobe is overwhelming or uninspiring, this episode is for you. These small shifts — in mindset, systems, and knowing what you love — can make getting dressed feel joyful again.

You deserve to feel seen, confident, and comfortable in your clothes every single day.

Transcript

0:01

You know, years ago when I was styling, I spent a lot of time working with women who were older than me, and there were some phrases I heard over and over again that I didn't fully understand at the time. Things like, I feel invisible. It's going to take more than new clothes to make me feel better about myself. I only wear jeans, I can't imagine wearing anything else. I've lost my confidence, and I don't know what suits me anymore. I hate the shops. I find them hot and overwhelming. I don't like the bright lights or looking in the mirror. At the time, I thought, oh, that's interesting. And whilst I could sympathize, I couldn't empathize because I didn't really get it. I just wasn't at that stage myself. Fast forward a few years, and now I do, I totally get it because there are days. I'll be honest where I feel the same way myself, and that's exactly what I want to talk about today. Why getting dressed can feel tricky as we get older and how to make it simple, easy, and actually enjoyable again. Hi, and welcome to the podcast. I'm Beth, and if you've ever stood in front of your wardrobe, feeling like nothing works or wondering why you are just reaching for the same few things over and over, well, you are definitely not alone in today's episode. I want to be completely honest with you about my own struggles with fashion these days. Yes. Even for someone who used to style people for a living, and I'll share five practical, easy ways to feel put together. Every single day without exhausting yourself or spending a fortune. But before we get started, just to say, if you are new here, thank you so much for listening. I hope that you enjoy the episode and that you come back next week. I release new episodes at 4:00 AM every Monday, and if you can't wait that long, I've got a library of almost 50 episodes to listen to now, covering everything from the ketogenic diet to hysterectomies, saunas, cold plunging, creatine, morning routines, and spiritual practices. So hopefully there's something for everyone. Back when I was styling, working with older women, gave me a front row seat to their struggles with fashion, and let me tell you the phrases they said really stuck with me. I'd hear things like, I feel invisible, or I only wear jeans. I can't imagine wearing anything else. Or, I've lost my confidence. I don't even know what suits me anymore. I remember one occasion when I was working with a particular lady, her husband had booked a session with me and she was trying to find an outfit to wear to her daughter's hen party. It was such a sad situation that poor lady. Working with me trying to find new clothes is not where she should have been, but I can absolutely understand how her husband was trying to do everything that he could to make her feel better about herself. In the end, we took a break from the styling session and I remember just chatting to her and she was saying. It's going to take so much more than clothes to make me feel better about myself. I'm even thinking that I can't go to my daughter's hen party because I just feel so awful and don't know what to wear. And it was really, really sad. But a few years later, she messaged me out of the blue and she said, I can't remember your name. I can't remember what you looked like, but I do know how you made me feel on that day. And that has stayed with me ever since then because there are days when I'm sure. Or longer than days. In fact, whole periods of time when I felt exactly the same as she has, not just about clothes, but about how she was feeling in general. Anyhow, I remember hearing what women were saying to me and I was sympathizing with them. But I couldn't really, really understand it because I was still in that stage where there was lots of fashion I wanted to explore. It was exciting. I was in the thick of things. I hadn't reached the stage where my body hurt, things ached. All fabrics irritated me. I just wasn't quite at that stage. But now I totally get it. There's something about the way our lifestyles change, the way our bodies change, the way our tastes evolve, and what we're prepared and not prepared to have next to our skin. That just makes things different. Now, I dunno if you remember, you may even have watched these, but every year for about three years, I do a Christmas workshop on Instagram. It was called Froing around the Christmas tree. I used to love doing those. I'd share outfits and we'd talk about what to wear for different events. Women would often say that they loved the idea of fabulous outfits, but that they had dogs to walk and their hairs to live with, or they've got rugby matches to go and stand and watch, or they were looking after grandchildren. So I'm not sure that any of us ever really lived the lifestyle shown in Woman and Home Magazine where everything is fu free and faf free and perfectly orchestrated. Most days I'm covered in sourdough or I've just worked out or I'm about to work out or I'm working at home. The frocking around the Christmas tree was brilliant for that time of year and for the kinds of outfits that we might want to put together over the seasonal period. But personally, if I'm honest, I reach for jeans most days. I have two pairs that I love from divided at h and m. They were about 20 pounds each. They're a hundred percent cotton, so there's no stretch in them, which I like. And they hang, right? They sit on my natural waist. They just hang straight down. They're thick enough to hide any lumps and bumps. They're comfortable. Honestly, they probably look a little bit sloppy and too big for me, but I don't care because I actually feel good in them. Comfort wins over style a lot of the time, and that's okay. And then as for the tops that I wear again. We're talking h and m. I have two of them. They've got elbow length sleeves, little puff sleeve. They're jumpers. They're quite heavy knit. They're not too long. I like anything that comes down to too long. I'm always the right temperature when I wear them. I like how they look job done for me, but then as part of that, as part of my jeans and my, my two little knits, I do have other things in my wardrobe, but I do gravitate to them quite a lot at the moment. But in addition to them is the small things that matter. So I love. A little frill somewhere, a bow sequins, a puff sleeve, like on the jumpers. I was just telling you about a little sparkle on my trainers, and layering my necklaces together. Those tiny details make me feel like I tried without exhausting myself or overthinking my outfit. And I think that's pretty much what those ladies were saying years ago. The getting dressed isn't about owning more. It's about feeling seen. It's about feeling comfortable and about feeling confident in what we already have. So if you are nodding along, thinking yes, I have at some point in the last 12 months, said all of those things to myself, then here's how to turn things around without stressing over your wardrobe. Now I think that there are five, let's call them style secrets that stylish women use every day. And whilst I'm not going to be able to build an entire wardrobe for you here, there are definitely some principles that I can share. And then if afterwards you want to message me on Instagram, that's fine and I'll help. But there are some principles that I can share that will start to put you back. On the right track. So the first style secret that we're going to take a look at, and I've got an example to illustrate this, is that there's nothing that sends a stronger message out to the world about how we are feeling about ourselves than the clothes that we are showing up in. Now, this can become quite a contentious issue, so let me come to the example. First, so when my daughter used to do a lot of gymnastics, I remember walking into a competition one Saturday morning, she'd traveled to the competition with school. So I arrived separately and I walked in and I saw a couple of the gym teams, and I was like, okay. You mean business Because not only was their hair really neat, there was a bun net over the top of the bun, and on top of that, there was a glitter spray. And then around the bun there was a big bow. And when the glitter hairspray comes out and when the bows come out, you know that those teams mean business. If they've got, as far as doing amazingly tight plats and glitter hairspray comes into the equation and bun nets and bows, you know that their gym routines are going to be phenomenal. And they were. And so it's the same with us. It's all those things that can make a difference. So the first style secret is mindset. And I know you're going to go, oh no, not mindset. But mindset really is key to all of this. I've seen it hundreds of times in all the years that I've been styling, and i've seen the difference it makes when it comes to having a mindset where you put yourself at the center of the equation and this doesn't mean that I'm saying that you should dress as if you are about to enter gymnastics competition. The extra tight bun and the glittery hairspray and the bunt are not compulsory. And nor should you dress to please anyone else, and nor should you necessarily have to dress in a way to fake it until you make it so that you feel confident. But I think that we all know that if we make even just a little bit of effort, we can feel better about ourselves. And when it comes down to mindset, it's putting ourselves at the center of the equation and believing that we're worth it. Because just as those ladies talked about being invisible, which I think is something that does happen as we move through life, it's important that we are not invisible to ourselves and that we take the time and that we have the confidence and the right mindset to think. I am worth bothering about. Not only that, but I'm not going to absorb the messages around me from what everyone tells me, the opinions of others, what magazines tell me, but I am really going to tune in to find out what I enjoy wearing, what makes me feel happy, and I'm going to really embrace that, even if it is within a fairly limited way of. Wearing jeans and trainers on a top. But I am going to work in a few accessories. I am going to work in the things that make me smile. I am going to work in the things that make me feel a little bit put together every day. And then that just permeates out from us through the rest of our day, how we interact with others, how we interact with ourselves, which is even more important, the work we produce. So, yes, I know mindset and confidence can seem quite bland, but I do think it is key Because the thing is that when we feel slightly more confident, when we're a bit more invested in ourselves, we will take risks that we perhaps wouldn't otherwise take. We might say, I'm going to try that new seasoned trouser. It might not work, but you know what? I'm going to give it a whirl, or I'm going to try that new seasoned shoe just because I like the look of them and I think it might work with what I've already got, in my wardrobe. So I just really want to encourage you to. Know that you are worth it to reinforce that it is important that you are seen to yourself and not to listen to what everyone else is saying, not to watch what everyone else is doing. And even if at this stage you're still thinking, yes, but I don't know what I like, this is more about an overarching concept than the specifics, but I think it's a really good place to start. And I just want you to check in with yourself right now and see how you feel about that. Whether you're feeling really flat and deflated or whether you're thinking, do you know what? Think she might have a point. There are things that I want to wear and there are things that I want to try out and I'm jolly well gonna do it. So the second secret comes down to lifestyle. And this is something that I've seen a lot over the years. As women, what we tend to do is wait for a big event to spend some money on ourselves and maybe buy a new dress, a new pair of shoes. The rest of the time just make do, and actually we should be switching it the other way around. It's the things that we are wearing day in and day out says she who's wearing her 20 pound h and m jeans. I know, but I like them. But it's the things that we are wearing day in, day out that we want to spend the most money on because they're the things where the cost per hour will end up being less. And in order to do that, you have to look at your lifestyle. Now, something that I always think is worth spending. A decent amount of money on if you are able to, is something that has a particular job to do. And a prime example of this is a pair of swimming goggles. Now, it's a slightly unusual example. I will grant you that, but swimming goggles have a job to do. They need to keep the water out of your eyes and therefore, I know this, having had a very inexpensive pair that I don't even know where they came from, they let water in. So I've just cheated myself to a new pair and it's revolutionized my whole swimming experience. And it's the same with coats. If you live in a very wet area, you want a proper waterproof coat. A lot of it comes down to the footwear we're wearing every day. We want to be comfortable. We're at that age and stage in life where comfort is key. So we want comfortable fabrics. We want comfortable shoes. As we get older, and this is something I've noticed, there's certain fabrics I don't like next to my skin. They feel. Itchy. I just don't like them, and I think that's the reason that I like to wear my h and MA hundred percent cotton jeans or my bamboo joggers, or my cotton jumper from h and m because they feel okay next to my skin. I like the weight of them. So get very clear on your lifestyle and where you are spending your money. That is the next thing to think about, so that you do actually end up with a wardrobe that works for you on a daily basis, not just a wardrobe that works for you when you've got a nice event to go to. Because unless you go to nice events all the time, in which case have a brilliant wardrobe for going to nice events and have a brilliant wardrobe for the everyday as well. But I think what I'm saying is. Don't get swept along with what everyone else does and what we've done historically. Or I need a new dress for that event because it's a nice event to go to. I would far rather spend less on a dress for an event and spend more on things I'm going to wear every day just because my poor little body has to spend more time in them. And so she deserves to be comfortable in the process. So moving onto the third style secret is understanding what you truly like. Now this can be a bit more tricky. I accept we get bombarded from magazines, from Instagram, from Pinterest about what is out there. I once had a lady contact me after I'd done a one minute style tip on Instagram. I used to do them every day. And I was talking about getting really clear on what you like. And the best way to do this is just to pull some images together from fashion or interiors, from nature, whatever, of things that you like. And she said it was so revelatory because she was wearing things that she'd seen on others that she thought looked cool on others and she'd bought it, but she didn't actually like it. She liked print, she liked color, she liked zigzags. She liked all sorts of different things. And what she'd said she'd done was to build herself this really neutral sort of bland wardrobe that she didn't like at all, because that's what everyone was showing her and she said, no wonder I'm not happy. And so the thing is to get really clear, and again, these all tie back to mindset. It's just having the confidence to know what you like, and that is the difference between style and fashion. Style isn't buying into the latest trends. I think it's good to be aware of them, and I think it's fabulous because it might just mean if you've got a big wardrobe, for example, and you've got a trench coat that you've had sitting there for years. You can dust it off and wear it, because as we all know, trenches are everywhere this season and have been for the last few seasons. And knowing the latest trends can be handy because it might just mean buying a couple of the latest style of trouser and it updates your whole wardrobe. So for example, buying. Carrot shaped trousers or barrel shaped jeans, or I've even seen them called horseshoe shaped jeans, or wearing a different style of trainer. Just a few tweaks can really update your wardrobe in an instant. So there is that subtle interplay between style and fashion and being aware of both. But the point of this style principle is just to get clear what you like, and that doesn't always mean. Just looking at fashion magazines to do that. Interiors and style will often reflect one another quite closely, but you can get inspiration from nature. You can get inspiration from anywhere and just have a think about what it is that really appeals to you. That just means that you are then wearing things that make you happy, because there are lots of things that you're shown on Instagram that look great. And they look great on influencers, but you're probably not the same height as the influencer. You might not have the same coloring, you might not have the same body shape, and all of those things come into play. And we've all done it. I've done it in the past. I've absolutely done that and seen something on somebody else and gone, that looks amazing. And then I've bought it and thought, Hmm, no, that's not right. And then you have to take it back or you miss the returns period. And that's a large part of the reason that I stepped away from doing influencer work on Instagram. I just felt really uncomfortable that people might buy things because of something they'd seen on me, which they then didn't like, or didn't make them feel great about themselves, or they'd missed the returns period and they'd waste their money. So anyhow, that's the third style secret is just establishing and finding out for yourself what you really like. I'll come to mind in a minute. I could probably list them on one hand, but it makes life easy. So the fourth style secret is systems. Again, this sounds a little bit of a boring one, but all stylish women have systems whether they realize it or not. And it might not look like an official system, but just for keeping on top of how your clothes are organized, getting them dry cleaned, getting them fixed, putting alerts on vintage so that you are getting the things that you really want. Just having systems in place because things don't happen randomly in life. Very little happens randomly. There's always thought and effort and processes that go behind anything that we want to achieve. So that is the fourth style secret. Just have a think about how are you going to organize your clothes, whether you're going to do it by or by tops. All by bottoms, all by dresses. And then within that, whether you're going to go from dark to light or light to dark, whether you're going to separate your summer and your winter items out, perhaps you would rather organize your entire wardrobe by color so you have all your blue things together and all your red things together and all your black things together. Or perhaps you might want to do it by fabric. There's lots of different ways of organizing your wardrobe, but the one thing that I would say, and this is something that you could do today, is to go into your wardrobe to find the things that you really like, but that you never wear, either because you consider them too expensive to wear on a daily basis, or because they were a present or because they've got sentimental value, and just bring them to the front of your wardrobe so that you see them all the time because they are the things that we should be wearing every day. Even if we're working from home. And even if we're taking the dog for a walk, we can still wear a nice necklace when we take the dog for a walk. In fact, we can wear as many jewels as we want. Taking the dog for a walk. High heels, maybe not so much, but if you have things that are squirreled away at the back of your wardrobe, just. Just because. Just because you don't think you should wear them every day, then bring them to the front of the wardrobe just because you absolutely should. Moving on to the fifth style secret, and this is what I call your USP, and that is your unique styling point. You may think, Beth, I have no idea what my unique styling point is, but there will be clues. There will be clues from the things you gravitated towards when you were a child. For me it was a pretty floral dress and red wellies. Whilst wearing a fake ring, it will be from the things that you've pulled together that you like from nature or interiors or that you've seen in the stores. It will be the things that you've already got in your wardrobe. Just the the little subtle details that you gravitate towards time and time again that will be your unique styling point, and it will be different depending on what kind of style personality you have. So there are some people who are way more into that sort of classic Duchess of Cambridge type look. There will be some people who were more into a boho type look. There'll be some people who are way more into that very neutral Jennifer Aniston type look. The clues will be there, but I mentioned that I can list mine on one hand, so let's see if I can. So for me it's a bow, a frill, a puff sleeve, a little standup color, something, patent or glittery or with gold buttons, that's five things. Then if I was going to expand it out from there, it would be anything that is navy blue or cream or a certain shade of pink. And anything that keeps me warm and cozy. And that's about it, and that spreads across everything, whether it's because there's a little puff sleeve on my jacket, or whether it's because my tops have a standup collar, or whether it's because my cardigans have gold buttons. There are those themes that keep reappearing throughout our wardrobe, which are our USP, and if you say, I haven't got any of those. I've got a random mishmash of things that I just happen to like, that's your USP, and that is perfectly fine. There is no right or wrong here. It's just helping you to identify the kinds of things that you like so that it makes getting just easier. So let's put these five style secrets into some quick takeaways with you. So the first style secret was mindset, and I want you to focus on confidence, not on perfection. The right outfit is the one that makes you feel good, irrespective of what anyone else thinks. And if it makes you feel good because it's super comfortable, that's fine. That's all it needs to do. If it makes you feel good because it's a bright color, brilliant. If it makes you feel comfortable because it's a little bit sparkly, brilliant. If it makes you feel comfortable because you have owned it since the year dot and you wear it all the time, great, absolutely fine. That is the most important thing. The second secret relates to your lifestyle. My advice here is to create a go-to uniform that you love. So find a combination that always works and makes you feel good. for me it is jeans, a blouse with a pussy bow, and some sparkly trainers. And that's it. I know it works for me so I can grab it and go, and I'm good for the day. The third style secret is knowing what you love. Part of this involves prioritizing comfort without compromise. We've talked about what you actually love from an aesthetic point of view in terms of looking to nature, looking at interiors, looking at star magazines, looking at what's on tv. But fabric matters. So if there's certain fabrics that you don't want next to your skin, don't have them. The fit matters If something's uncomfortable, don't wear it. The hang matters. If it doesn't hang right? If it clings in the wrong places, if it's static, if it just makes you feel, ugh, it doesn't deserve a place in your wardrobe. If your clothes feel good on your body, you'll automatically feel more confident. For me, this is thick fabrics, so a heavy denim. I like that. I like the way it hangs loose. Silhouettes. I don't always want anything too tight. Soft textures, they're really important. So think about how things feel because that is just as important as how they look. The fourth style secret was having systems, and I want you to rotate and edit strategically. So it's tempting to keep everything or to replace old favorites with the exact same thing. I used to come across this all the time. Ladies would say to me, I love that Boin top. I've bought it in five different colors, and I'll be devastated when it goes outta stock. And I couldn't quite identify with it. I'm getting closer to it now, but, Try not to replace old favorites with exactly the same thing. Maybe see if there's a little update it can have along the way. Keep the pieces that spark joy. Let go of the rest and replace selectively. You don't need to overhaul your wardrobe to feel great. It may be that you need to get rid of things to feel great, and that's brilliant. That's where vintage comes in. That's a great place to part with things that no longer work for you. And then finally, it's about your USP, your unique styling point frills, Bose sequin statement earring. Little things that make you feel intentional and put together. You don't need whole new outfits. You maybe just need a few new accessories. Maybe you need some new shoes. They're the quickest and easiest way to update your wardrobe is to add in some more UpToDate shoes, a new trouser style, a different style of top or coat or jacket that you've seen and it's amazing how quickly just a few changes can absolutely revolutionize everything else in your wardrobe as well as transforming your mood.. Now I've already given you one action, which is to go to your wardrobe and pull out those things that are squirreled away at the back, but that you could wear every day. If you just gave yourself permission to pick your go-to outfit, add one small joyful detail that you already own, and just notice how much better you feel. You may remember that at the start of this episode, I talked about the things that ladies had said to me when I was styling them, such as I feel invisible. I only wear jeans. I can't imagine wearing anything else. I've lost my confidence and I dunno what suits me anymore. I hate the shops. I find them hot and overwhelming. I don't like the bright lights or looking in the mirror. Now, these five style secrets are designed to help with addressing these issues. When we talked about confidence, we talked about how over time we can become more invisible to society. But that the most important person you mustn't become invisible to is yourself. You may hate the shops. I totally understand that they are hot. We do get to the stage in life where we maybe have to dress in layers and we get overheated and overwhelmed in the stores, but we can deal with that through online shopping, and we might not like the bright lights or looking in the mirror, but these five style secrets should help with all of these issues building up your confidence. Understanding your lifestyle, knowing what you like, having systems, having a unique styling point will all help with these. And then on top of that, there may be other things that you want to try. It may be that you want to have your colors done because that will make it a lot easier for you to know what to choose when you go into stores. It may be that you want to understand more about your body shape for exactly the same reasons. There are lots of different things that we can try. These five principles will hopefully start to get you on the right track to feeling a little bit more confident, to feeling a little bit more seen and to having a little bit more fun with your clothes, Just because that's what you feel you need. If there's anything that you would love to share with me as a result of today's podcast episode, please come and find me on Instagram at Beth goodham. Send me a DM or a picture. Let's celebrate the joy of clothes that actually make us feel good. Thanks so much for listening today. I hope that you found this episode helpful and if you have been feeling the same way that so many of those ladies did, first of all, you are not alone. It happens to us all. Secondly, it is possible to turn things around. Without having a huge budget, without having to spend a lot of time, sometimes just taking a few simple steps will set you in the right direction, and it's a little like a snowball effect. Things can start to grow, things can start to blossom. The main thing is that you are happy, that you are warm, that you are comfortable, and that you are enjoying what you are wearing. And it's not. Maybe it's time to make a few changes. Perhaps it's time to part with some things on vintage. Perhaps it's time to take yourself a little browse around the shops on your own. Perhaps it's time to employ the services of a stylist, or perhaps it's time just to pop me a message and have a quick chat. Thanks so much for listening. And remember, you deserve to feel visible, confident, and comfortable every day in clothes that make you. Feel amazing. You take care and bye for now.